compassion

I've been thinking about you little blog and how I've ignored you for such a long time. I can't tell you how many times over the last several months I drafted an entry, only to not be able to put it down onto the screen. So I'm back. I'm hoping to stay consistent as I have a new focus.

I take a lot of classes. I'm constantly working on my craft as an actor because I love it, but also because I want to put out good work when I do work. That seems like a never ending journey. But I also think it's important to be working on myself as a person.

Today in a workout class, I recognized my lack of compassion. I've begun to notice in the last couple of weeks how I callously walk by homeless people or people in need. And look, it's sort of the norm here in NYC - places to go, people to see - but when has anyone ever strived for the NORM? Even if I haven't stopped every time or given every time someone has asked me for money or food - I have felt compassion. And these days, I don't know, I can feel myself hardening towards those in need, particularly those on the street. So now that I've recognized this and identified a problem, it's a good time to focus back on compassion. I'm not quite sure yet what this will look like. But I figure if I am intentional about thinking about compassion for 30 days, maybe something will change. Maybe it won't, but let's be hopeful.

So the first thing I realized today as I was working out - and setting my thoughts towards compassion was this: If you don't have something, you can't give it out. So I guess I'll start with trying to learn how to have compassion for myself. I'll tell you what - it already changed how I worked out. I didn't recognize it before, but focusing on compassion while I worked out made me see that I really lacked compassion for myself and my body. If I couldn't do something easily, I pushed harder. Look, that's not always a bad thing - sometimes you need to push. But since I'm looking at compassion - I think it's nice to consider how to love my body for what it can do, and how it works rather than be angry at it and frustrated that it doesn't look better.

Ok, that's about all I have for now. Will share more later.

With compassion,

Veronica